Angry with my daughter for self harming

Hi, We found out a week ago that our daughter is self harming she was hospitalised, discharged and is now awaiting counselling, the problem is our relationship has drastically broken down. I no longer trust her and feel so angry with her for putting herself and us as a family through this, its got so bad I cant bare to look at her as I will break down and cry at any time. Her behaviour in school is appalling and she refuses to listen at anything we say. Is it normal for me to feel this way I feel so ashamed.

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  • Jess

    I am sorry to read all that you and your daughter have been going through. Firstly; it is important that you have acknowledged the anger you feel - it is ok to feel angry about it. It’s worth thinking about the ‘why you feel angry’ question - anger is a secondary emotion (a result of something else we are feeling), i wonder what the anger is about?

    In terms of supporting your daughter -try and separate your feelings of anger from your daughter. Many young people feel immense guilt and shame about their harming, and responding in anger, will no doubt escalate harming rather than calm her feelings.

    Asking why might be too hard a question too so begin by asking her to send you an ‘emoji’ each day so you can help her understand her moods and how they might be affecting her harm. It gives you abetter understanding of how she is and on days she is low, a chance to sit with her without asking her too much.

    If your daughter would like to join our support group for young people, we would love to have her. She can sign up here: https://www.selfharm.co.uk/alumina/signup

    From Jo, Alumina Manager