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I never really cut in the traditional way.Thinking back, the first form of self harm I did was as a punishment and it was just slamming parts of my body into hard things or the opposite, the point was just to "harmlessly harm" myself. I always had a fear of doing permanent damage, but that never stopped me. As I grew up, I realized a number of things, first that I was gay (though that never really affected mylife, thank god), second that I suffered from an anxiety disorder and a very minor form of autism, third that blunt force trauma was no longer good enough. I was still young, so I didnt really cut, I scratched. If I felt I needed to, I would take my nails (or sometimes a broken pencil) and rake them (it) over my left palm or left lower arm (I'm right handed). I had an incident at a camp I went to and got into such a fit that I grabbed a plastic fork I had in my pocket (dont ask), broke it, and scratched my lower arm as fast as I could up and down, the damage caused very slight scarring and a wound that took weeks to heal properly. I decided that it was too noticable there, so I moved the spot to the back of my neck. (Am I wrong? I mean, you could do i in public with no one noticing, "Just scratching my neck until the pain stops.") Recently I found an x-acto blade and decided to experiment with "cutting" so i spent a night scratchng it along different parts of my body, neve actually breaking the skin, and decided to stick to the back of my neck. I do it at least a few times a day with my own knife and at work sometimes with a box cutter. I have yet to actually draw blood which is bothering me, but the pain is still there. The initial "cutting" if you can call it that, stings and then after a few times it feels like a sunburn on the back of the neck. I told a very close friend and they told me to seek help, but the taboo around it all makes me wary. I had to tell some one else, though so here I am.