The passed to years have been so hard (2013/2014)

In october 2013 a really bad thing happen to me, and i couldnt cope with why and how i had let this happen to me. I didnt want the person (i am going to call them person A as i dont feel comfitable with put their name) who hurt me to get in trouble, i i tryed to kill myslef. I took an overdose and slit my wrists. I ended up in hospital for 5 days,i was on a drip and had to have stitchs on my cut, i also had to have a scan on my liver because by taking my overdose it has ruined my liver. This was my only option to end my life and some how make people forget about the thing person A did to me. I thought it would help, i felt i had let my friends and family down by letting this happen. I got refered to CAMH (childrens mental health) but yet this was nothing new as i had been there 4 times before this overdose.

Christmas was hard that year as everyone was feeling sorry for me. Yet my relationship with my parents got stronger.

After christmas i was becoming a serious slef harmer. I was cutting my slef times a day. I was hoping one of my cuts would get infected and kill me. I still didnt want to be here. I wantted to die.

Over the mouths many other bad things happen to me.

On may 15th 2014, my sister best mate and a good friend of mine killed herslef because of bullying. This was one of the worst day of my life. It was hard, i didnt stop crying. My mum and sister was a mess and so where her close friends from school. She got bullyed for being differnet. By yet something i cant understand is that we are all different in our own way. Me, my sister and another friend was with her the night before (14.05.14) she killed herslef. We didnt know anything about it. We was out having fun, walking our dog and planning the pinic we was going to go on in the half term that we was off school. She seemed so excited by yet she knew she wa not going to be there. She was not at school on the 15th . There was thing on facebook about how there was emergency cars down the road she lives. This worried me and my sister. The morning of the 16th of may came and my sister got a message say that our friend had killed herslef. My sister bust into tears. I had to phone my mum to come home from work, she brust into tears as soon as she walked through the front door. I was saying to myslef over and over agian why could have not been me. Me and my mum and sister went to her beatuiful funnal. This was the fist one i had ever been too. The church was packed out with her lovely friends and family and even some teachers from  our school. It was a beautful severice. 

I miss and think of her everyday. She will always be part of our family. She had a laugh that lit up the room and you justed loved to her. I will neer forget her laugh and her beautiful smile. She was amazing. Her death has made me a stronger person, and i will all ways love her and my sister will. 

Just please think about it before slefharming think about the effect it will have on your friedns and family and plese just tell someone how you are really feeling. My friend will allways be missed and so would you. Even if you dont think you will.

I feel i should stay alive to live the life my friend couldnt. I am getting the help i need. I know who to cope with my feelings and my depression and ocd now. I am 2 weeks completely clean from selfharming.

You can get though the bad times in you life. Believe in yourslef. Ask for the help you need. Tell someone how you are really feeling. 

Comments (3)

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Panel Member

By: Charlie

on: 24.02.15

I just wanted to reply and say I’m sorry for your loss. What an incredibly tragic thing to have happened. I’m pleased to hear though your experience has made you a stronger person.

I’m sure it’s been a difficult process, but you should be proud of how far you have come. Lean on those around you and reach out if you need someone to talk to; remember it’s okay to feel low and miss your friend, in these times try to reflect on the wonderful memories you had together and use these as your way forward.

Well done on being two weeks clean from self-harm; that is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of yourself, and I am glad you are getting the support you need.

Keep talking, we’re here if you need us,


The Author:

on: 21.04.15

thank you so much for this comment so sorry its a late reply. It really made me smile thank you xx