Ive never been the outgoing confident child, i was more of a indoors kind of girl, id pick TV over seeing my friends, id spend time with my cats rather than adventuring ouside and run around then house singing and dancing to classic rock music. Growing up wasnt such a great start to life for me, although i remember some grand memories the rest are just nightmares.

At the age of five my mum and dad divorced eachother, at the time i had no idea what was going on but soon all the pieces started to fit together. My mum is an alcoholic she is also a diabetic, and drinking made situations alot worse. She'd pick myself and my brother up from school drunk, she would leave the house through the middle of the night and not tell us where she would go, she knew drinking could effect her health more but she wouldnt stop. My dad has been there to look after me and my older brother since all of this happened, i dont know what id do without him. Since my mum made my life difficult i have choosen to not speak or see her, as a result in this i have found myself to be stronger and ive realised i could've done something sooner. 

School has always been a problem for me i used to have an attendence of 100% then it dropped to 25%. which in my case is extremely bad. When i reached year 10 i put effort in to make sure my attendence would rise, im glad i did. Self Harm first came around when i was in year 8 i would of been 12 or 13 i cant quite remember, because of my hair colour and size i was bullied alot. 

I remember the first ever day i hurt myself, i was at my mums house, in my room. That day wasnt the brightest,my mum had recived a call from the council that i was missing school to much and id be in serious trouble. at that time school was like a prision and i didnt intend on going. i sat at the end of my bed, my mind was spinning with thoughts. i wanted to scream, and then the idea of hurting myself started to sink in. I got up my mind still spinning with thoughts, i searched throughout my drawers looking for something to use. I come across a small spiky pin which i used. From that moment i changed.

Since that day in 2013 i hurt myself nearly everyday, it was like my life was consumed by it. My dad never knew about it, i was to afraid of telling him not knowing how he would react. The only people who knew were my mum and some close friends. One day i snapped out of the spirual which was consuming my life and finally asked my mum for help. She took my to the doctors and they diagnosed my with depression and transferred my to a place called C.A.M.H.S. I told my dad about everything, he took it well but i knew he was hurt. 

After 3 to 4 months of therepy i got discharged from C.A.M.H.S. finally things started to look up school was better and i made new friends. 

im now 15 things have been like a rollercoaster, up and down. On the 12th of october i took a blade and made a mistake, i cut myself, this was one of the worst ive even done i was left with 5 deep wounds, i hadnt cut myself badly for 27 days but it all got to much. I had to realise the storm which had been built up inside my head for a long time. When i look at those scars i realise everone falls sometimes but you will rise back up and relive your glory. Im getting more and more help each day, everyone supportive, im surrounded by people who love and protect me. I always thought what my life would be like without self harm, i thought i would never cope, i was addicted to the feeling self harm gave me. I stopped myself and realised 'what am i doing' so i took the step to stop myself. Its hard but i overcome it, im now left with scars from a war in which i have won, i hold my head up high.

A way in which helped me cope was this little method. I'd draw a little bufferfly on my wrist, id make it look beautiful, with loads of colours and detail. A work of art aha. i'd name this butterfly after a person which i love and care about. No body wants to hurt a butterfly so why should i hurt my wrist. Life is good, everyday great new things happen. Im proud to call myself a survivor. 

Although it may seem impossible to stop cutting, but with the right help and care you can over come anything. 

Sophie

Comments (18)

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By: Gill Briggs

on: 25.02.15

Hi Sophie, thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. It is encouraging to hear your positive attitude and the ways in which you have found alternative ways to manage your emotions and overcome some of life’s difficult challenges that you have faced along the way. Always be kind to yourself and never beat yourself up if you do end up having a bad day. You won’t let anyone down and nobody will be disappointed in you. It’s great to hear how you’ve overcome some of the struggles you’ve faced and that you are a survivor of these. Thanks for being willing to share your story, I’m sure it will encourage others.

By: KATTAN

on: 11.03.15

You have really inspired me to getting help Sophie

By: x0xdeex0x

on: 21.04.15

i loved the idea of the butterfly it is such a beauitful but yet good reason not to slefharm- i think i might try it and hopefully it will keep me from stop wanting to slefharm xx

By: DepressionAndStress

on: 04.05.15

hi! looks like you’ve been through a lot… ‘im 12 years old, and currently self-harming and I need some advise.. I do want to go to my doctor but I cant because i’m scared my mum will find out :S

Thanks-

Maliha xx

By: self harm

on: 16.07.15

hi! looks like you’ve been through a lot… ‘im 15 I done it for 2 year now and i can,t stop what shal i do   ASAP PLZ HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP !


Thinks
Storm Victoria Page

The Author:
TheGingerGirl

on: 16.07.15

A big BIG thank you to everyone who has commented. It gives me so much joy to see that ive actually helped many people. Maliha im very sorry that i havnt replied i lost everything my laptop broke down. The best way is to face your fears and tell your mum although it may be scary, shes your mum at the end of the day shes going to help. It what mums are there for.  I promise that things will get better, you will get the help you need. Again im so pleased that my story is helpful, I hope everyone gets the help you need. If you need help or any advice im always willing to talk. Email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Sophie xx

By: tamaramcguigan15

on: 19.08.15

Sophie thank you for sharing your story my mum and dad spilt up before i was born and you have made me realise its better getting help before it get worse and worse i have been self harming since the age of 7 and now i am 15 and still self harming i dont like self harming but its the way i cope with things you know if you need to talk im always here heres my email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Love Tamara xx

By: scarz

on: 10.11.15

thank you you have really inspired me a lot becauise im going though a hard time and I don’t now what to do because in am cutting every night please can you help me and that would be really helpful if you get back to me and if you ever need to talk heres my email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

By: beautiful_disaster01

on: 28.11.15

That was an amazing story. My life ain’t the best either. That’s when I looked up to cutting for help. But now see that there is more to life.

By: ellie112

on: 16.01.16

I never knew how much someone that I didn’t know could stop me from harming I know that I wont stop doing it but from reading that I feel like I can seek help instead of taking it out on myself

By: Hammyhog

on: 12.04.16

It’s great for you to share your story with us and have the courage to be so frank and honest.

I first cut my arms (very seriously) when I was 17. My parents has a fit and took me to see my GP. I was diagnosed with depression. When I was 20, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and got the treatment that really helped me. I still self harm very occasionally by cutting my arms deep - that seems to be the only method I use.

I am 43 now (but look 33!!!) and I recently moved house. I had an urge to self harm and my partner suggested;

“Instead of cutting, why dont you do something else extreme and out-of-the-norm like dying your hair blue or getting a tattoo??”

This input from my partner made me stop and think. I dont know what to do yet, blue hair or a tat - perhaps both??

I hope you do well with your plans in life and get the help you need, from here or elsewhere. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it really helps people like me to listen to others experiences…

By: hp laptop

on: 18.04.16

i told my mum ,i had been doing it for about half a year now and she called me an attention seeker ,and thinks i can cope without help?

By: Hammyhog

on: 19.04.16

I’m afraid thats an all too common response from parents. Self harm is very difficult for others to truly understand. Your mum is probably as distressed as you are to see her daugher harming herself.

You can go and see your GP on your own as you are over 13. Your GP will be able to offer medical advice and will probably refer you. There is more that can be done besides CAMHS. Counselling to help you confront your feelings, clinical support and medication. I’m certain your school also has a student counsellor or a trusted teacher you can talk too.

When my mum saw what I did to my arms she would hide every knife in the house - even though I was using a razor blade!

It would be great is you and your mum could form a strong support bond and become closer - you have problems and so does your mum so it would give you both focus. If I were you I would get your mum when she is alone and talk. Tell her how much you love her and respect her (even if you dont!) and form a bond. I know this sounds weird but it could be a path thats good for both of you.

Keep up he fight and continue to be courageous.

Simon

By: Hammyhog

on: 07.06.16

Hello ‘im gona cut myself’ [sic]

You sound very frustrated and obviously have a very serious inferiority complex. You must be cautious about how you word your responses on here as they can sound offensive.

It is sad that you dont feel like a proper man and have been such a failure. There is more to life than you think so dont be afraid to talk about your very small penis and inability to perform in the bedroom. There are other sites that can help you address that.

This site is for people with serious mental health problems and we are all here to help eachother.

With that in mind, I hope you get the help you so obviously need.

Bye Bye

By: im gona cut myslef

on: 15.06.16

Hello ‘HammyHog’ , I’ll have you know I’m female so I do not have a penis. Do not determine my gender by how I type. Fight me on tumblr and i’ll get all my feminist friends to destroy you.

P.S. I hope you are happy about triggering me you misogynist.

By: Banana

on: 15.06.16

Hey Sophie. Hope that you are doing better. I am glad that other people are there for you. My self harm is slightly different than yours, but I’ve also learned to put it behind me. I am so proud that you are able to share your story. Stay strong - you’re awesome. God bless.

By: MilaMason

on: 15.10.16

Hi Sophie.
I’m in year 9 now and I’m still cutting myself. I often feel isolated but I have not told my mother as when I told her that my friends are cutting themselves she responded, calling it a way of attention seeking. She knows about my anxiety and depression as this was before I began to cut. I’ve posted a story called ‘MyLife’ Read it if you can find it.

By: Selfharm48

on: 02.11.16

Hi Sophie.
You’re story was so interesting to read. I’m in year 10 and I’m really struggling and I’ve been cutting for a while now. I feel like no one I know understands and it’s really hard. I really don’t know what to do. Please reply to this and hopefully you can help me get through this.