It all started out when i was 12. I was in 7th grade and i didnt have any friends. Some girls bullied me, they told me that no one cared about me and that i was just ugly. At first i didnt believe them because i had amazing parents and siblings that cared for me. I read at lunch, and sat alone. Days passed and the bullying got worst and worst. By that time 2 girls had "pity" on me and they became my "friends". However, i never belonged there. I was always the third wheel. I knew that if one day i dissapered they wont care. After a fight that I had with them, i started cutting. I was smart then, so i knew that cutting on my wrists would cause attention. So i just cutted my thigths. Every once in a while i would break down and cut while crying. But i never cutted without a reason. The year passed and i went to the doctor one day to only be detected with anxiety. I started 8th grade and the bullying  got even worse. They would call me names that hurt. "Wortless" "Stupid" "Waste of space" And since then i cutted every day. I got a new best friend who was also a cutter, and she was the only one that understood the pain i was suffering. But i never let anyone see behind my facade. I fake a smile everyday until now. I cry myself to sleep because im not good enough. The only thing that is keeping me in this world is my family and best friend. Thanks to them i am writting this right now. And yes, i know that my life could be worse, but this is bad enough for me already. I just hope that one day i can see my legs again without seeing white, thin lines all over them. Or the red, puffy skin that i cutted today. 

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By: shaun.parker

on: 05.03.15

Hello, Thanks for sharing some of your story with us and so sorry to hear that its been such a hard time. Amazing to know that you have great family support around you, keep reaching out to them for support. When you saw your doctor about anxiety did you mention self-harm too, as that might be a first step to finding some more support. Also, we have online Alumina live groups which is a six week programme where we meet online for an hour for six consecutive weeks exploring what got you to the place of self-harm, the triggers and positive coping strategies that you can use when feeling the need to self-harm. For more information and sign up head over to alumina.selfharm.co.uk.

I am so sorry to hear some of the names people at your school have called you and the bullying you have experienced. None of those words are true of you.

Your scars will fade in time and there are things you can do to reduce their appearance. Ask a pharmacist for ideas or check out our page about scars https://www.selfharm.co.uk/get/facts/dealing_with_scars.

Take care, Tabi